I just “matched” with three women on tinder. In a row. This has never happened before. Why did it just happen now? Well, I changed the distance setting from “up to 30 miles away” to the maximum 100 miles away. The women I matched with? All over 70 miles away. This is funny. And aggravating.
Let me tell you why I have tinder; I downloaded it last spring and have used it for nothing more than entertainment since. I’ve had a couple decent conversations. I’ve never met anyone from the app. I usually “unmatch” myself from people within a few days. I’ve been asked out for coffee and hookups and have declined it all, simply because, well, I did the whole internet thing for a while and all it did was show me how disappointing people are and how I am not ready for any form of physical intimacy.
One of my good friends, M, had tinder on her phone for a while as well. She actually downloaded it after I mentioned it to her, although she actually used it. She met multiple men from the app and had quite a few dates/hookups/whatever-you-wanna-call-em. Nothing of substance, from what I’ve heard, though, and nothing that has lasted, but from what I heard, none of those men were worthy of her time anyway.
As a product of the ’90s, the rapid progression of technology my generation has seen is amazing and also terrifying. We went from Tamagotchi to GameBoy Color to Motorola Razr to the iPhone. I remember being in elementary school and the most advanced technology we had were those big, beige, brick-like desktop computers in the library. Remember Dial-Up?
Don’t get me wrong – technology is great. It allows us to be more efficient with our academic and professional work, communicate quickly and easily, store documents, pictures, music, and videos all in one place. We no longer need to spend a day in the public library to write a paper. Everything – literally everything – is right at our fingertips. I carry around a miniature computer in my purse all day long. But technology has its downfalls, and as someone who’s inexperienced, and frustrated, in the “dating game” (or lack thereof), its downfalls definitely plays a part here.
I’ve been on OkCupid. That website leaves you pretty vulnerable because anyone can message you. Also, from my experience, most people on there are not actually genuinely nice and they just want to screw something other than their own right hand. Tinder. Matching with people may give some an ego boost, something I don’t quite get, but I do appreciate that it allows people to be more selective – however, this is also a very superficial means of attempting to communicate with people. It seems as though most men just look at the woman’s picture and that’s it. I don’t know how other women use tinder, but personally, I tend to look at descriptions if I think someone’s picture is even remotely intriguing. You don’t even have to be attractive – if you look like you could have personality, I’ll look at your profile. Lastly, I recently downloaded this app called Wing Ma’am (“The Mobile App for LGBT Women”). So far it’s been pretty stagnant on there. It’s set up nearly identical to Grindr; you can see everyone’s pictures in one big block on your screen and you see who is closest to you. I’ve received one message from a woman on this app so far.
The only dating “advice” I ever receive (or rather, advice on how to meet anyone in the world, ever) is to use the internet. But the problem is…I have. And I am. And I’ve achieved the same lackluster results time and time again. Let’s face it; most people on dating apps are truly just looking to hook up. The Wing Ma’am app is a start for us LGBT girls, but I know there are others out there that aren’t available on all devices. Some lesbian/bisexual/trans apps aren’t even available in certain cities/states. Everything is just so stale when it comes to internet “dating”. I hear about people meeting at school, work, or in various public places, and I’m not trying to throw a pity party here, but that has never happened for me (I’ve also never been able to meet anyone through friends – another disadvantage). Do you have to be a solid 10 to get a person to talk to you? I get it though – we’re all insecure and fearful of rejection. But still. It’s. Frustrating.
I’m not even “looking” for a relationship right now. But I am 21 years old and have never dated anyone, not even casually, and the older I get, the more inexperienced I become, and I worry that when the day comes that someone is interested in me seriously, I will be too scared to do anything about it because of this lack of experience. Also, let’s be honest, sometimes even I want someone to spend more intimate time with. Friendship is fantastic. But I have to admit, I do sometimes crave someone to want to be with me.