What The Fuck Happened Last Night?

I have been absent from this website for a while now due to my overwhelming depression and stress, apathy, and lack of time. But I am here today to say: what the fuck.

I stayed up until almost 2:30am watching CNN.

Honestly, until about 1am I had some hope that Hillary would win. But as I continued to watch the electoral college votes rise for Trump, finally hitting 244 right as I was going to bed, I thought, Maybe not.

But I still had hope.

I dreamed that Hillary had won, and when I woke up, I knew she hadn’t.

I have cried a total of five times today, and it’s only 2pm. I am scared. My friends are scared. My peers are scared. I feel empty and helpless and it seems like this should all be one long terrible nightmare.

I am scared for my rights and for the rights of other women. I am scared for the rights of other LGBTQ people. I am scared for the rights of POC, people of different religions, and other minorities. Basically I am scared for anyone who isn’t a straight, white male.

This election has made me lose faith in the people I am supposed to call my brethren. My fellow citizens. It’s made me lose faith in people’s intelligence. It’s made me fearful for my future and for my own safety.

I know not all hope is loss. But today is a dark day.