State Of Fear

I feel obligated to make a post since I haven’t in a few days, though I don’t really have any news to report.

I’ve had some terrible bouts of extreme depression in the past few weeks. This weekend was very rough. The need for some sort of intoxication is overwhelming, but I don’t have anything at my disposal. What’s bothering me the most, however, is how my anxiety has been pretty full-on the past couple weeks. I’m somewhat used to being in a constant state of anxiety and teetering on the edge of a panic attack, but it’s been particularly uncomfortable recently. Whenever I feel this way, I just really want it to STOP.

I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping. Part of this comes from me throwing off my sleep schedule completely (going to bed past 3am a few nights in a row…) but most of this is just the usual I-think-too-much-about-terrible-things-and-can’t-fall-asleep nonsense. I usually have to listen to music to fall asleep, but this results in waking up numerous times throughout the night and thus a bad night’s sleep.

For some reason my face has been tingling quite a bit the past week or so. I’m wondering if it’s a result of recently starting Lithium, although I can’t find a whole lot about other people experiencing tingling in the face on the internet.

My current heart rate is 108 beats per minute, which is actually where it should be, but I feel as if my heart has expanded in my chest. You know, that panicky, nervous feeling. I’m also typing very quickly and erratically and tapping my foot much faster than normal. My thoughts are sporadic and there is now a tingling in my left hand.

I do need to refill my prescription of Clonopin, another thing to worry about.

I forgot what I was just going to Google.

– Z

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